User Profile

I was born December 30th 1962 at the University Hospital in Minneapolis next to the Mississippi. My father was a professor of business and we quickly moved to Berkley CA. My mother tells a story where student protesters made way for her and her two young children right before the police let the dogs lose and fired teargas into the crowd and went at the students with nightsticks. From here we moved every year until I was 13 years old. I would find myself every year at a new school either way behind or way ahead of the class. Today I have gaps in my education because of all the moving.
I am the middle of three brothers and am known for being the peacekeeper in the family as I found myself always trying to separate my father and mother from physically fighting. My childhood was short as I had to deal with much violence between my parents at home and endure the weeks of silence afterwards. My friends were my brothers and we were close and depended on each other for entertainment since both parents were wrapped up in themselves and showed very little interest in their children. School was the same way. I was on my own and had a hard time finding direction in my life. I read biographies and looked for mentors to follow and learn what life was about.
At age 11 my father met and became the business manager for Marlon Brando which meant that my father and our family moved to one of Brando's coral islands. My memories are of bright sunlight, coconut trees, and complete freedom from morning till night. I befriended Christian Brando's son and we would travel the island getting into trouble. He taught me Tahitian swear words which I would use on the island workers to their amusement. Christian also got me to try smoking which my mother found out immediately and put a stop to. I remember raising turtles and releasing them into the sea, swimming in 85 degree perfectly clear pure blue water and baby lemon sharks swimming between my legs. It was as close to paradise as I have ever found.
We moved to LA as my parents relationship continued to fall apart. This lasted a year. I remember walking home from school the first day and two girls behind yelling out that they loved me. I was golden tanned from being near the equator and was a mystery to most. I smiled shyly and I didn't know what to do with this information. I yelled back I love you to. After a year we moved back to Washington state and finally found a home in Bellingham, Wa. which my mother and brothers continue to live in to this day. This town was too small for me and I had ambitions beyond being a janitor, the only job I could find after graduating from college with a BA in Psychology (I have always been interested in the human psyche) and went to Duquesne a small private Catholic college in Pittsburgh to obtain an MA in Phenomenological Psychology. Here I met a young woman who I felt comfortable with and enjoyed her companionship. She moved to Washington D.C. and I continued in Pittsburgh working on my Ph.D. but after my two favorite professors died my interest in the program faded. I completed all the coursework but did not take the comprehensives nor the dissertation.
I moved to D.C. also and worked at a group home for kids part time, doing assessments for the court on young kids prior to sentencing. Young boys selling crack on the street to prevent the adults from getting hard time. I worked fulltime at a residential drug treatment program chronically underfunded but I was finding my calling. I enjoyed working directly with people and fighting for their rights against a system that often disregarded. A business opportunity arose in Seattle and I moved with my girlfriend. I started a day care licensed for 80 kids. I was way over my head but learned quickly. I had no money for an apartment so I slept in the building at night and wrote the required policy manuals and was then able to become licensed. I worked 12 plus hours a day creating a loving homelike atmosphere for these kids who often also spent 12 hours at the day care. Often mothers would bring in their shy kids and wanted to socialize them before kindergarden. They often attached themselves to me and I cared for these kids especially. Often their parents had just divorced. They were scared and felt secure being with me. My dream was to own a home and I worked hard but enjoyed the interactions with the kids and parents although getting money from the parents was very hard sometimes. They rather buy a nice car with high payments rather than pay for their children's care. My dream faded after 5 years. A new state licenser took an instant dislike to me and told me that she didn't believe men should be working in day cares. I sold the business which had been supporting my family as she was attempting to close us down and had friends of hers trying to buy the business. The money continues to come in and support my family. It took time for me to accept what I had lost but I moved on.
I found a job at a long term residential treatment facility for adolescents with behavioral and or psychiatric issues. It was very dangerous and I was injured dozens of times, shattering my left leg during a restraint, being hit thousands of times, stabbed with sharpened plastic. I learned that I could truly reach out and communicate and calm down most situations but there was a limit to what they could do. I worked there 1 day shy of 5 years performed 500 plus restraints and never hurt a single person. The average worker stayed 3 months because of the danger. My demeanor was calm as I am used to violence if anyone can be truly use to violence against others.
My relationship had turned sour. Where once there was mutual respect, no affection, this was replaced by her putting me down, telling me what I wasn't, and then became physically abusive. Unwisely I continued the relationship until she ended it. I am loyal and she came out with me and she had no friends. I felt responsible.
The emotional toll this took, a relationship falling apart over years, and her leaving when my leg was shattered was too much. I began to withdraw into myself as in the past. This all changed when I literally knocked on a door and saw the person I was to later, befriend, then fall in love with. She treated me with such love and care it changed my life. It lasted less than a year as she went to heaven far too early. I was left with so much love for her which did not stop because she was no longer physically here. She taught me to love myself and take care of myself. She will always be with me in my heart and I feel her presence when I open my heart up to her. The memories of love will last forever, the bittersweet drive along Longbeach Wa. the white owl flying over us as she drove the car along the beach crying for her life was always in pieces. Too many past traumas which drove her mind and left her a shell of what she should have been. I loved her for what she was but it was hard to see her suffer. When she left a part of me went with her but I know she feels no pain and that is my only consolation for I had many dreams for the future but the future never seemed real with her. Her pain was to great. My love for her will never fade.
That brings me to today. There are many paths to take but only one true path will lead me to her. That is the path of love, truth, and joy. I am just beginning to live my life.

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